GETTING DIVORCED IN YOUR TWENTIES: THE REALITY

Marrying in my early twenties seemed like the natural progression for me. As a young mother I was already so much more mature than my years (or so I thought) and just wanted to settle down. I craved stability.

As far as taboo subjects go this may not be one you have really put much thought into but divorce in your twenties comes with more baggage than you would ever realise. Not only did I have to deal with my marriage breaking down and my own personal thoughts and feelings associated with that but also everyone else’s opinions. Believe me, there were plenty of those!

On paper we were married for over five years, in reality it was barely eighteen months. The shame and disappointment in myself was overwhelming. It was suffocating at times and if I’m honest that was harder to deal with than the breakup itself. I wanted to hide and heal. Divorce wasn’t something that happened to people my age, was it? It felt like a dirty word, sour in my mouth. My social media was full of photographs and memories. Even now many years later I’m still reminded of things I’d usually rather forget.

Whilst my family were amazing for the most part I won’t pretend that there wasn’t an element of ‘I told you so’ in the air. Attitudes like that can be so damaging to a persons mental health at such a vulnerable time. The experience has really taught me more than I ever realised about how important it is to be considerate and kind. Not to judge and that gossip really is the devil.

The fear of giving into failure can ultimately be the thing that keeps you in an unsuccessful marriage and if I could give anyone in my position some advice it would be to never, ever feel ashamed of choosing the path that’ll make you happy in the long run. The short term may seem daunting, even terrifying but before you know it you’ll look back with nothing but relief.

Our experiences are never entirely negative. You can learn so much from what you perceive as a waste of time. I came away from my marriage knowing more about myself and who I wanted to be in the future. I’m stronger, wiser and more grounded than I ever was. My thirties may have started with an ending, but that made way for some beautiful new beginnings and for that I will be forever grateful.

RESOLUTIONS AND REGRETS (BLOGMAS – DAY THIRTY-ONE)

…and just like that it’s New Years Eve again. 2021 has been a strange one. Little snippets of a reality we used to know interspersed with a ‘new normal’.

I feel like I’ve had a permanent headache trying to wrap my brain around what I should or shouldn’t be doing. I’m sure many of you feel the same.

Anyway, I digress. This year has been filled with isolation, binged box sets and far too many biscuits. I don’t want to fall into the old ‘New Year, New Me’ trap but in 2022 I’m making some changes!

Read more…

Anyone who knows me would be able to tell you how much I love reading. There is always a stack of books on my bedside table and list as long as my arm of recommended reads on my kindle.

I started the year off on a high, devouring novels like I was at an all you can eat buffet but somewhere along the line things just…stopped.

I lost what was left of my motivation and reading weren’t something I did for pleasure anymore. It feels so wrong even just saying that as it has always been my escape.

I’m making it my mission to ensure that 2022 is full of books. A book a week in fact.

Exercise…

I have NEVER been a fan of exercise. However, I will begrudgingly admit that when I do throw myself into some semblance of a routine I do feel better for it. Not just physically but mentally too.

I don’t necessarily feel the need to lose weight, I’m undoubtedly at the heaviest I have ever been (pregnancy excluded) but actually feel quite confident in myself. I would like to be healthier though. Since having covid late last year I would definitely say I’ve been more sluggish, I really hope this is something I can overcome with a better diet and exercise.

I guess it would also be nice to look and feel my best on my wedding day!

Do well at uni…

I’m about to embark on my second term of uni and it’s going well so far! I’m really enjoying it and honestly, I think it was something I desperately needed.

Whilst the course might have taken me by surprise I feel comfortable in my growth and really hope that I can keep it up.

I so want 2022 to be the year that I absolutely SMASH my first two modules. I think that would be a highlight for me. With a creative writing assignment on the horizon as well as some intense reading I’ve got some hard work ahead!

Make memories…

With 2020 & 2021 being somewhat a waste of bloody time I feel like now more than ever is all about seizing the day and really grabbing every piece of happiness you possibly can.

I want to live my life and create the most beautiful memories with my loved ones. Isn’t that what it’s all about?

Manifest…

This might sound a bit loopy but I experimented with manifesting back in the summer and can honestly say (in my own experience) that it genuinely works. I really want to try and implement that positive frame of mind into my daily life next year.

I truly believe that good things are coming my way and I am so ready for them!

What are your hopes and dreams for the future? Do you have any regrets you’d like to rectify?

INFLUENCER? I WISH! OR DO I? (BLOGMAS – DAY SIXTEEN)

Hi guys! I thought today would be a good time to address a couple of misconceptions within the beauty community. I mean, obviously I can’t speak for everyone, so these views and experiences are entirely my own.

I’m a mum of three, but not a ‘Mummy Blogger’. I’m not a domestic goddess who bakes and dresses my kids in designer gear. I love cosmetics and beauty in general, but I haven’t mastered a cut crease or wings sharp enough to slit the throats of my enemies. I like fashion but my god can you imagine me trying to strike a pose next to a tree and not looking like an utter knob? Those are just a few of the areas that I fail miserably in but I’m sure there are plenty more.

The image you present online can be so misleading.

I’m lucky really, in comparison to some of my fellow content creators I have never received very many hate comment (if you ignore the fact half of Facebook seems to be convinced that I wear a wig) and most of the people I have met and befriended since starting my Instagram page have been amazing and incredibly supportive. The comments I receive are very sweet and one of the most common questions I get asked are ‘Where do you find the time to glam up as well as juggle everything else?’ and honestly? I don’t. I spend an awful lot of time in my pyjamas or a sweatshirt and leggings.

I suffer with anxiety, so I don’t often leave the house ‘just because’. I usually have a specific reason. I don’t live the glamorous lifestyle of established influencers, attending events and having the ability to purchase the latest products. Most of my time is spent looking after my family or trying to find something to binge watch.

I’m sorry I know this is starting to sound really depressing and it’s not meant to. If anything, I honestly imagined this post would be more humorous.

Anyway, long story short I just don’t really know what I am or who I want to be or even who I’m supposed to be to make these little online ventures a success?

If you have an opinion on this matter, I would genuinely love to hear it. I think it’s good to always try and see things from a different perspective and I’m usually missing something so your views can only help me in the long run!

TTYL guys.

Love Kelly.

CONFESSIONS OF AN ACCIDENTAL STAY AT HOME MUM (BLOGMAS – DAY EIGHT)

This was never the plan and although I know I have a lot to be thankful for I can’t pretend that my soul doesn’t ache for parts of my former life.

When I was 17 and in hindsight barely out of childhood myself I gave birth to my eldest son. He was and will remain always the light of my life. I missed out on a lot of my teenage and young adult years and with that the freedom and opportunity to go out there and make mistakes. As a mother that wasn’t part of my destiny. I studied for a career I never actually wanted as a means to make something of myself and build a life for my child. Over the years I either worked or studied. As a habitual over thinker I’m better off busy.

By the time I fell pregnant with my youngest son I was finally in a job that I loved. A place that I thrived in and felt that I belonged. I was to happily take my maternity leave and focus on my family whilst living with the comfort I’d have my little piece of normality to go back to at the end of it. But that’s not what happened and three years later I’m still at home.

I don’t want to sound ungrateful, part of me actually feels sick writing this because I know I’m going to be judged. I don’t hate my life. I adore my family. My children are the best thing to have ever happened to me and my partner is beyond supportive, loving and caring in every way possible. I’m fortunate to have these incredible people in my life. To have a home, bills that are always paid and food on the table. I can’t help but silently mourn though, because in the process of building this life I have lost myself and I miss her.

She was fun, I was fun! I was confident and funny. I’m not those things anymore. I’m a shell of who I used to be and I don’t know how to break free of these chains that I have wrapped myself in. The prospect of going back to work now absolutely terrifies me. To have to start from scratch when I feel so unqualified to do anything more strenuous than the school run.

Putting together a CV with such a big gap is daunting. I’m scared to put myself out there because the rejection isn’t something I feel I can mentally handle right now. I wish I could turn back the clock and ask the old me for advice. She’d know what to do. She always did.

Whilst I know I’ll fight my way out of this funk it’s clear to see that it’s going to be a challenge. I know I’m not alone and there will be many more women in my position. I wish I could tell them all that it’ll be ok, you’re still amazing and worthy of the life you used to have, but how can I when I can’t even convince myself?

My god, if being a mother has taught me anything it’s that I am stronger than I think.

Maybe I just need to fake it till I make it, we all have to start somewhere right?

BLOGTOBER X BLOGR CHALLENGE 2021 WEEK 1 – A LETTER TO 2022 ME (BLOGTOBER – DAY FOURTEEN)

Dear Kelly of 2022,

This year you have so many amazing things in store and I can’t wait to see how it all pans out. I hope you’re as excited as I am!

2020 – 2021 was a time of reflection for us both and at times I honestly didn’t know if that was a good thing but at this moment in time I’m truly sure it was.

By now you’ll be deep into your uni course (only over a decade late but the best things come to those who wait) and hopefully enjoying it more than you ever imagined.

In nine months you’ll be marrying the love of your life and spending the day celebrating with the people you treasure most in the world (which lets face it, after the last couple of years is needed more than ever!).

Maybe you’ll have shifted that lockdown weight (doubt it, you’re quite happy in yourself right now and I bloody love that!) and maybe you haven’t but knowing that you’re content and healthy is my happy place.

I hope you’re still writing consistently just for you and not because you feel you have to. It’s helped to ground you so much and helps with all kinds of aspects of your day to day life.

You started the year off so well, reading often and feeling so inspired by other peoples words and that slowly tailed off into a nothingness. I was you to promise that 2022 will be the year you read and read and read. It’s one of the biggest passions of your life. Always make time for it.

Overall I just hope that you continue to grow, to push yourself and work hard to ensure your dreams come true. However, don’t forget to love your life for what it is in the time. There are always moments to cherish no matter how dark the day may seem.

Love always,

Kelly of 2021

BLOGTOBER X BLOGR CHALLENGE 2021 WEEK 1 – KELLY’S ADVICE ON TACKLING ONLINE HATE (BLOGTOBER – DAY SEVEN)

Hello my lovelies!

I’ve never tackled a blog post like this before so please bear with me, it may all come tumbling out and make absolutely no sense!

I’ll admit I’ve been very lucky and up until last week had never experienced any kind of online hate or trolling.

I remained blissfully ignorant as to how much your confidence can be obliterated in no time at all with a handful of comments from strangers.

Having recently put together a piece of content I was incredibly proud of (and something the brand themselves had been very complimentary of, enough so that they asked to feature it in an ad campaign) I was horrified to learn that my appearance was the subject of many negative discussions.

When I first came across the comments my initial reaction was one of confusion.

I don’t know these people. What have I done to deserve such an attack?

It’s hard to comprehend the mentality of trolls when you would never dream of being so hurtful to anyone. I cried and I’m not ashamed or embarrassed to admit that. Putting your heart and soul into something only for others to try and tear you down is sickening.

So what have I learned and how can help someone else who may be experiencing the same thing for the first time?

The answer is, I’m not completely sure to be honest. Personally in the days following my own experience I managed to find humour in the comments. At the sheer silliness of the things people were saying and the fact that their opinions didn’t matter in the grand scheme of my life.

I refuse to let anyone take away something I have the righty to be so proud of. I will never again let another person make me feel small or insignificant.

My biggest piece of advice though is to never isolate yourself if you’re feeling attacked because it will allow those comments to burrow and fester. To implant themselves into your subconscious. Speak to your friends. Speak to your family. Let them pick you up, support you and comfort you. Listen to their kind words and believe them but above all believe in yourself.

You’re amazing. Don’t let anyone, let alone an insecure stranger make you believe differently.