RESOLUTIONS AND REGRETS (BLOGMAS – DAY THIRTY-ONE)

…and just like that it’s New Years Eve again. 2021 has been a strange one. Little snippets of a reality we used to know interspersed with a ‘new normal’.

I feel like I’ve had a permanent headache trying to wrap my brain around what I should or shouldn’t be doing. I’m sure many of you feel the same.

Anyway, I digress. This year has been filled with isolation, binged box sets and far too many biscuits. I don’t want to fall into the old ‘New Year, New Me’ trap but in 2022 I’m making some changes!

Read more…

Anyone who knows me would be able to tell you how much I love reading. There is always a stack of books on my bedside table and list as long as my arm of recommended reads on my kindle.

I started the year off on a high, devouring novels like I was at an all you can eat buffet but somewhere along the line things just…stopped.

I lost what was left of my motivation and reading weren’t something I did for pleasure anymore. It feels so wrong even just saying that as it has always been my escape.

I’m making it my mission to ensure that 2022 is full of books. A book a week in fact.

Exercise…

I have NEVER been a fan of exercise. However, I will begrudgingly admit that when I do throw myself into some semblance of a routine I do feel better for it. Not just physically but mentally too.

I don’t necessarily feel the need to lose weight, I’m undoubtedly at the heaviest I have ever been (pregnancy excluded) but actually feel quite confident in myself. I would like to be healthier though. Since having covid late last year I would definitely say I’ve been more sluggish, I really hope this is something I can overcome with a better diet and exercise.

I guess it would also be nice to look and feel my best on my wedding day!

Do well at uni…

I’m about to embark on my second term of uni and it’s going well so far! I’m really enjoying it and honestly, I think it was something I desperately needed.

Whilst the course might have taken me by surprise I feel comfortable in my growth and really hope that I can keep it up.

I so want 2022 to be the year that I absolutely SMASH my first two modules. I think that would be a highlight for me. With a creative writing assignment on the horizon as well as some intense reading I’ve got some hard work ahead!

Make memories…

With 2020 & 2021 being somewhat a waste of bloody time I feel like now more than ever is all about seizing the day and really grabbing every piece of happiness you possibly can.

I want to live my life and create the most beautiful memories with my loved ones. Isn’t that what it’s all about?

Manifest…

This might sound a bit loopy but I experimented with manifesting back in the summer and can honestly say (in my own experience) that it genuinely works. I really want to try and implement that positive frame of mind into my daily life next year.

I truly believe that good things are coming my way and I am so ready for them!

What are your hopes and dreams for the future? Do you have any regrets you’d like to rectify?

MERRY CHRISTMAS! (BLOGMAS – DAY TWENTY-FIVE)

Just a quick word from me today, I’m sure you’re all busy!

However you choose to celebrate or not celebrate the day I truly hope it’s a great one.

I know this time of year can be difficult for many. Losing loved ones, battling personal difficulties and just the general slog of working through our new normal has taken it’s toll but there is always something to be thankful for.

Merry Christmas!

Love always, Kelly x

INFLUENCER? I WISH! OR DO I? (BLOGMAS – DAY SIXTEEN)

Hi guys! I thought today would be a good time to address a couple of misconceptions within the beauty community. I mean, obviously I can’t speak for everyone, so these views and experiences are entirely my own.

I’m a mum of three, but not a ‘Mummy Blogger’. I’m not a domestic goddess who bakes and dresses my kids in designer gear. I love cosmetics and beauty in general, but I haven’t mastered a cut crease or wings sharp enough to slit the throats of my enemies. I like fashion but my god can you imagine me trying to strike a pose next to a tree and not looking like an utter knob? Those are just a few of the areas that I fail miserably in but I’m sure there are plenty more.

The image you present online can be so misleading.

I’m lucky really, in comparison to some of my fellow content creators I have never received very many hate comment (if you ignore the fact half of Facebook seems to be convinced that I wear a wig) and most of the people I have met and befriended since starting my Instagram page have been amazing and incredibly supportive. The comments I receive are very sweet and one of the most common questions I get asked are ‘Where do you find the time to glam up as well as juggle everything else?’ and honestly? I don’t. I spend an awful lot of time in my pyjamas or a sweatshirt and leggings.

I suffer with anxiety, so I don’t often leave the house ‘just because’. I usually have a specific reason. I don’t live the glamorous lifestyle of established influencers, attending events and having the ability to purchase the latest products. Most of my time is spent looking after my family or trying to find something to binge watch.

I’m sorry I know this is starting to sound really depressing and it’s not meant to. If anything, I honestly imagined this post would be more humorous.

Anyway, long story short I just don’t really know what I am or who I want to be or even who I’m supposed to be to make these little online ventures a success?

If you have an opinion on this matter, I would genuinely love to hear it. I think it’s good to always try and see things from a different perspective and I’m usually missing something so your views can only help me in the long run!

TTYL guys.

Love Kelly.

CONFESSIONS OF AN ACCIDENTAL STAY AT HOME MUM (BLOGMAS – DAY EIGHT)

This was never the plan and although I know I have a lot to be thankful for I can’t pretend that my soul doesn’t ache for parts of my former life.

When I was 17 and in hindsight barely out of childhood myself I gave birth to my eldest son. He was and will remain always the light of my life. I missed out on a lot of my teenage and young adult years and with that the freedom and opportunity to go out there and make mistakes. As a mother that wasn’t part of my destiny. I studied for a career I never actually wanted as a means to make something of myself and build a life for my child. Over the years I either worked or studied. As a habitual over thinker I’m better off busy.

By the time I fell pregnant with my youngest son I was finally in a job that I loved. A place that I thrived in and felt that I belonged. I was to happily take my maternity leave and focus on my family whilst living with the comfort I’d have my little piece of normality to go back to at the end of it. But that’s not what happened and three years later I’m still at home.

I don’t want to sound ungrateful, part of me actually feels sick writing this because I know I’m going to be judged. I don’t hate my life. I adore my family. My children are the best thing to have ever happened to me and my partner is beyond supportive, loving and caring in every way possible. I’m fortunate to have these incredible people in my life. To have a home, bills that are always paid and food on the table. I can’t help but silently mourn though, because in the process of building this life I have lost myself and I miss her.

She was fun, I was fun! I was confident and funny. I’m not those things anymore. I’m a shell of who I used to be and I don’t know how to break free of these chains that I have wrapped myself in. The prospect of going back to work now absolutely terrifies me. To have to start from scratch when I feel so unqualified to do anything more strenuous than the school run.

Putting together a CV with such a big gap is daunting. I’m scared to put myself out there because the rejection isn’t something I feel I can mentally handle right now. I wish I could turn back the clock and ask the old me for advice. She’d know what to do. She always did.

Whilst I know I’ll fight my way out of this funk it’s clear to see that it’s going to be a challenge. I know I’m not alone and there will be many more women in my position. I wish I could tell them all that it’ll be ok, you’re still amazing and worthy of the life you used to have, but how can I when I can’t even convince myself?

My god, if being a mother has taught me anything it’s that I am stronger than I think.

Maybe I just need to fake it till I make it, we all have to start somewhere right?